Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

I know everyone has been overloaded with gratitude posts on Blogger, Facebook, Twitter, etc., this week, but if you're apt to complain about it, let me point something out to you: long, gushing, Oscar-style "I'd like to thank my..." posts are a heckuva lot better than the ranting/venting/life-is-terrible posts that you're overloaded with the other 364 days of the year. Eat that for breakfast!

Speaking of breakfast, I'm starting my gratitude post there. There are many things that I'm thankful for this week. Right now, I'm grateful for the white chocolate raspberry cheesecake that I had for breakfast - that it sat so invitingly in the fridge, that I could eat and enjoy the holy shiz out of that dessert. I mean breakfast.

I'm so thankful for my amazing fiance who understands and never criticizes me, even when what I do is irrational or selfish; in fact, selfishness is almost encouraged? Honestly, the man's perfect! I'm thankful for the support we've received from family and friends. Actually, in a way I'm also grateful to any who questioned us along the way - for causing me to reconfirm that I am making the right decision. I have zero doubts that I am!

I'm grateful for my supportive, understanding family that takes care of me, is genuinely concerned, and is so willing to offer and deliver help at the drop of a hat. It's inexpressible the gratitude I feel for Buster and Emelie for providing me with a cheap (and free for most of my stay, until I put up a big enough fight to pay rent) place to live, and for the love and support that they give. Even during those few times when things seemed hard, I could never complain; I had them and a place I felt totally at home (and still do!).

I'm grateful for the Gospel in my life, for a loving God who is willing to give me blessings I know I do not deserve. I'm grateful for covenants and promises, the opportunity to give (although very little) back to my Heavenly Father and Savior. I'm sure this gratitude will only grow when I go through the Temple soon.

I'm grateful for my wonderful friends (some of which are also family!) for supporting me and putting up with my flakiness and endless faults. Maegs, Nell, Rach, Weenie (in no particular order besides alphabetical) - thank you for being so kind and caring. You are seriously the best friends I could ever ask for, and if I were to have bridesmaids, you would definitely be they! You're welcome, by the way, for not making you stand in line and try on and wear borderline skanky dresses that you will never take off the hanger again. ;) Hehe, just kidding. Sorta.

I'm grateful for my health, my continued safety (especially driving 70+ miles per day! That's a REAL blessing), and for the health, safety, and happiness of my family and friends.

There are so many other things I'm grateful for, but those are the ones that I absolutely had to get out for fear of bursting this weekend. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Geez, Banana! Shut Your Freakin' Gob, Okay?

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
Ether 12:27

Lately I've been feeling that I need to be a better friend. I tend to repel people, but I couldn't quite figure out how I was doing it. I know I can sometimes make myself unapproachable, but the trick is figuring out just how I do it.

On Sunday, I read a few articles in the Ensign. One was a small snippet from a woman who felt inadequate somehow, but couldn't figure out how. Referring to the scripture in Ether 12 that I quoted above, she prayed for Heavenly Father to reveal her weakness, and it was something totally unrelated to how she was feeling (she'd been impatient with her kids). I decided to do the same thing. Sunday night, I prayed to know what I could do to be a better friend.

My best ideas and answers to prayers usually come right when I wake up. They come in those final dreams that are short, yet vivid, then in the pondering as I lay in bed that first 5 or 10 minutes of the day, my mind unaffected by surroundings. This time, I had a dream about a friend I had in several classes at the U. I always admired her, wondering how she was able to get along with so many people. She took initiative, and I always felt like if I tried that I'd scare people off. She's just likable. In this dream, I sat in the back of a classroom, right in front of three girls who gossiped to each other. They said something mean about the girl I mentioned, and I turned around to tell them that I knew her. "Yeah, the one with long, blond hair?" one asked doubtfully, testing me. "No, it's short and brown." I was proud of myself and felt happy to be a part of the group.

Then the girl they had just talked about walked in with chocolate-covered pretzels that she brought to share with everyone. She also brought some random pudding or something she'd made with Slim Fast (it's a dream, something weird and random had to show up somewhere), since it was just after New Years and some people might want to avoid the straight chocolate. I woke up, knowing which of these people I wanted to be friends with.

This girl (her name is Emily) reached out to everyone. She showed kindness and thoughtfulness (completely blind to the clique) and expected nothing. Her only motive was to make others happy and brighten the day. Ultimately, she is the better friend. This is the kind of person I want to be. I feel that this was the answer to my prayer. To be a better friend, I need to reach out to everyone. As hard as it is for me, I need to talk to people - without considering whether they even want to be my friend or talk to me. I need to show kindness just to make people's day brighter and not even worry about what they think, do or say. All that matters is what I think, do and say.

You know, Catholicism. We believed in the teachings of Cathol and everything it stood for.

These last two weeks have been pretty dang eventful, considering I haven't done a thing really! How does that work? Oh, well, have a seat, get some popcorn, and I'll tell ya. I paid off my car last Monday (and I received the title in the mail 2 days ago). Yeah, I officially own The Black Mamba... but wait, IS she black? I'm very convinced that she's actually gray... but then again, I only wash her in the summer. Hm.

On Wednesday, I came home from work and immediately went to the kitchen to make dinner, 'cause I was starving when Buster said, "There's a surprise for you downstairs." I was very confused, so I went down there, and I have a brand new cedar chest. I instantly knew who it was, because my mom's been talking about getting me one since I graduated from high school. I called her up and thanked her, but she insisted it was all Dick's doing, 100%. A few days before, he had texted to ask our address. I was suspicious, but I didn't connect these two immediately. I can't believe he does these things for me - he's so thoughtful!

On Monday, I got to play with my best friend for the first time in what felt like forever (though it's only been a couple weeks). We went to Zupa's and watched an episode of the Gilmore Girls. Such good times! I've been missing all that - I'm pretty sure I've been craving Zupa's for 6 months, I've been needing friend time badly, and then there's the Gilmore Girls withdrawals... I think I might just pull through now.

See? Like I said, it's been eventful, but at the same time... think about it, all but the playing is over in an instant - and even then, the playing sure feels like an instant. I hope everyone had as good a week as I did and has an even better one this week! Hopefully in the next couple days I'll finish some sewing projects I've been working on and have some pictures to share. :)

PS (can you PSify a blog?) check out this song! No More Hotdogs
Buster came home with a copy of this CD, and we've literally been laughing for 3 days straight at this song.

Obviously You're Not a Golfer

To copy my good pal Elise, I'm dedicating a post to 2010. I hadn't planned on doing this until I woke up this morning and realized how drastically my life changed last year.

January:

I started off my new year hanging out with these clowns. This picture was taken after running out in the street barefoot (there was a ton of snow and ice out there), screaming to the neighbors and causing quite a stir. While I have no picture documentation, they also were company to my first attempt at snowboarding this month. I still suck at it, but hey! I'll get there.

February:

Wow, some very huge changes came very close together and very quickly this month. On the 10th, I moved. Yes, it's true. I, Jane E., the girl who spent 22 years, 4 months, and 29 days living in the exact same house finally moved. The picture on the left is my old room, my last time in there before hauling the last load. The picture on the right is my new room, all set up.

For some reason I can't find any pictures, but my mom was married on February 25th this year. We all spend that weekend in Wendover (my first time there) where I did and did not gamble. I didn't use one cent of my own money, but I did play craps in Dick's stead when they left the table to go get dinner.

March:
I spent March adjusting to my new home. What does that entail? Chasing this up-to-no good kitty around the house. You know, coaxing him out of drawers, the drier, blinds, etc...

April:
April was pretty eventful... one of my very best friends and cousins was married to a good friend of mine. And Weenie asked me to be a bridesmaid - that was so much fun! The picture on the right is our surprise for them when they were on their honeymoon. We painted their bedroom.

Oh, and I also ran my very first half marathon at the end of this month.

May:
I enjoyed a 2-week break from school and then started what I thought was a 10-credit semester. And then I discovered something about how summer Spanish classes work and came to the conclusion that I could graduate in December rather than next April. Long story short, I started a 17-credit semester this month.

June:
Despite all the time spent in school, I managed to find time for other things. For instance, I went to my first concert in June - it was my favorite band, Cake! They put on an excellent show too. We also adopted this little kitten that Ludo is scoping out. We named him Archie after a character in the movie Rocknrolla.

July:
I played entirely too much this month! On July 5th, I once again set off to hike Mount Olympus alone (this time it wasn't snowy though). I also hiked Timpanogos (that's the jumping picture there). I also went to Bridger Lake for a week, a tradition of my family's. Those are two of my nephews chilling in my camping chair after we caught a few frogs.

My brother, sister-in-law and I also took a Wednesday we all had off to go explore. We wound up driving in the Jeep, top down, to a canyon waaaay out in the middle of nowhere. There we discovered a teeny, tiny, abandoned mining town. Ghost town hunt, whoot! It was pretty dang cool. I included a picture, but I think I accidentally deleted it and I'm too lazy to reupload it. Just trust me, it was rad.

August:

This is where I started my last semester. I also went on my favorite hike of the year, up Red Pine trail and to the top of the Pfeifferhorn. So much fun! It was freezing up there though. I also commenced my final semester at the end of the month.

September:

I turned 23. Still not sure how I feel about that...

October:

Pretty uneventful month. I think I spent most of it studying. By November I gave up and just prayed I'd just pass.

November:

I invested in a pair of snowshoes. Good purchase! The picture on the right here is from Donut Falls. Looks absolutely gorgeous in the winter, right? I also started a new job. By some miracle, I landed a job as a technical writer at a software company in Provo. I worked part time on Tuesday and Thursday start November 9th.

December:

Christmas! Oh, and I finished classes. yeah, I took my last final on December 17th. I also had some random illness during this week that made me so achy and feverish that my hand hurt like heck when I tried to write my exam essays... yuck. But I did pass everything and now I'm free! I also started working full time on December 20th. Looks like I don't have any major decisions or milestones to hit anytime in the near future, and I'm actually liking that. Maybe 2011 will be the year of remaining static.... except when I'm using my AWESOME new snowboarding gear I got for Christmas. check me out!

The Great American Underwear Famine of 2005

This one's for you, Elise! I have some of these old conversations saved up, this is one I had late at night with Dary Fairy... enjoy!

Dary: there must be an underwear demand or something
Dary: haha
Me:The nation's underwear supply is going swiftly down, we're all gonna die of this underwear... ah.... famine.
Dary: underwear famine...
Dary: haha
Me: Well, apparently that's hte problem! Underwear's flying off shelves to make it into peoples' storage room in case of disaster, and when the world's supply runs out, they'll have more!
Dary: "Did you build up your emergency underwear supply? I hear it's gonna be a rough year.."
Me: *suddenly hears STar Wars theme in head, as if the explanation of the underwear famine is going up a starry screen in yellow letters*
Me: we're not sure we'll last through winter!
Dary: i want an emergency storage supply thing! lol
Dary: haha!
Me: We're just gonna have to go without sometimes...
Dary: ew
Dary: lol
Me: No more of that labeled Monday through Friday underwear, these are desperate and terrible times! I feel grieved my children have to live through it...
Me: Or WILL they? *sniffs*
Dary: now you only get two pair, one that says "Monday thru Saturday" and the other is special for Sunday and holidays
Me: HAHA!
Me: This is your dress-up underwear, so don't soil them.
Dary: haha
Dary: the American Underwear Famine of 2005
Me: Dress shirts, ties, slacks, and proper dress underwear are required to enter.
Me: Haha!
Dary: "We have to ship emergency underwear supplies in from Europe and Asia!"
Dary: HAHA!!
Me: No, no, the GREAT American Underwear Famine of 2005.
Dary: "M'am, can I please check to see if you have appropriate underwear to enter this restaurant?"
Dary: that sounded bad... haha
Me: We have just received word from our friends in the Middle East that turbans make good back-up for emergencies.
Me: Oh, good land....
Me: Yeha, that was relaly bad!
Dary: haha
Dary: it ended up sounding worse typed out than it did in my head
Me: Haha! I hate it when that happens!
Me: "Excuse me, this is the PROM! and you are clearly wearing cheapo, white Hanes. It's easily noticed, due to the lack of a proper ruffle..."

And then we started talking about other random things. The end!

You Know You Can't Be Certain that You'll Lose until YouTry....GIVE IT A TRY!

Man, life is so awesome! Y'know why? Lotsa reasons, but mostly because I said it was, and I'm the boss! Maybe not of the universe like I aspire to be someday, but of my life, heck yes I'm the boss! Rock the fetch on! Anyway, some specific reasons I love my life:

1) I tried to apply for another federal loan, but I found out I couldn't earn one because Dick makes too much money. For reasons best known to our government, I have to include his information. So I applied for a ton of scholarships and applied for a few jobs with absolutely no luck. One day my mom called and I let slip that I'd applied for a second job. I was mostly thinking that she gets upset when I don't include her in things like this, but she asked the right questions... basically, "Why do you need another job?" "What happened to your loan?" "Why can't you get a loan?" I tried to change the subject, but she kept pushing it and she knows I can't lie... so I finally cracked and felt AWFUL because she took the stress on herself.

About a week later, I checked my account balance to see if I could buy some fabric, and I randomly had a TON of money in my checking account. I called my mom immediately and pulled the same maneuver on her. She tried to deflect me, but no dice. There are only two people with my bank account number, and I knew my dad didn't do that. So I thanked her over and over and promised to pay her back. She said, "Don't tell him I told you this, but it was all Dick. I asked Jess if she knew anything about these loans that could help you out, and Dick overheard and asked what was going on. I told him, and he said, 'You've seen me give money to my kids and they don't do anything. That little girl is doing everything she can, and she can't take a second job.'" I don't cry easily, but at this point I lost all control and started crying.... I've never cried out of happiness or being touched before, so this was new and exciting! I don't know what I did to deserve this blessing, and I'm actually still convinced that I don't, but what can I do but accept? I sent them a thank-you card, I'll have to see what else I can do...

2) I'm almost done with school! While I'm very burnt out and Spanish class is killing me with 3-hour class periods 4 days a week, I'm getting there. Soon I'll start applying for real jobs and make some money, either pay rent or move out (maybe Maegan and I can find a place?).

3) I have some amazing family and friends. Buster and Emelie let me live in their basement, and I still can't thank them enough for that... they are absolutely amazing. Haha, so yesterday after work, Buster and I had a serious book discussion about The Road and A Clockwork Orange and wound up driving to Barnes and Noble randomly and buying a few new books... while we were looking at Cormac McCarthy's books, this little kid saw this stool right next to me, went bolting down the aisle, stepped on the stool on his way and leaped off of it. Buster and I started laughing and finally he's like, "he** yes, he did!" Yeah, I was dying. Jess usually includes me in her family stuff, or at least invites me to roast marshmallows and stuff with them... my mom still calls me sometimes and checks up on me.

I also have amazing friends in my cousins/uncle/aunt. They invite me to their house all the time and include me in their family stuff even though I'm not really immediate family... they're so amazing, I don't know what I'd do without them! I also have an amazing friend in Maegan (who comes home this Fall! That should be a number all on its own!), I have Danielle too, who's also an amazing friend... this is gonna be an awesome weekend. I'm gonna play with Nell on Friday, FINALLY!

These amazing people have also given me the confidence to know that I don't deserve to be treated the way the last couple guys I've dated have treated me. I finally have the confidence to know that I don't have to put up with it. I am absolutely not sitting on anyone's back burner. I'm tired of them trying to attach and string to me and just pull me in whenever they feel so inclined... I'm NOT sitting around waiting for anybody. I'm having fun casually hanging out with friends and just being me and feeling like that's absolutely okay. Someday I'll find a guy who's willing to treat me like I matter, but in the meantime, I'm perfectly happy where I am!

4) While I'm still the odd person out in my ward, my bishop tries SO hard to make me feel included. He asked me to sit with one of two mothers (wives of people in the bishopric) to help them with kids during sacrament meeting. The two women have the most well-behaved children in the ward, so I KNOW he asked that for my sake. He noted in my temple interview that I was very much alone (not just at church, but I'm very isolated here), and he also said he saw me sitting alone and didn't like that... I also have a calling teaching Sunbeams, which I like so far for the most part. It isolates me a little more from everybody, but it's hard to make friends with married people anyway, so no biggie!

5) I love the summer! I love the winter too, but I'm so excited about hiking and things it's not even funny! By the way, does anyone have the know-how, equipment and patience to take me/teach me rock climbing? Because I'm DYING to try it out...

6) I've got a huge list of books to read and I'm SO stoked to get started! SHAZAM!

7) No matter what happens at work, with friends, with boys, I have a place to go where I'm welcome and loved, where there are people who think I'm worthwhile.

Even though I get down sometimes about school, work, or dating, I'm pretty fetching happy.... I've got a bajillion reasons to be, so I'm ALL about ignoring the other things!

Oh! I'm still debating about what to get myself for a graduation present, because, trust me, I'll deserve it... here are my ideas so far:
1) One of the new, HUGE video iPods so I can put my movies on it.
2) The new iPhone.
3) A decent bike.
4) Skydiving.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Complaints? I suggest you talk to somebody else about the latter. I'm not on the clock, I don't gotta listen to your complaints. ;) Oh, and if you choose skydiving... you better either be willing to go or have someone in mind that'd go with me, 'cause that'd be funner/cheaper with more people!