Man, life is so awesome! Y'know why? Lotsa reasons, but mostly because I said it was, and I'm the boss! Maybe not of the universe like I aspire to be someday, but of my life, heck yes I'm the boss! Rock the fetch on! Anyway, some specific reasons I love my life:
1) I tried to apply for another federal loan, but I found out I couldn't earn one because Dick makes too much money. For reasons best known to our government, I have to include his information. So I applied for a ton of scholarships and applied for a few jobs with absolutely no luck. One day my mom called and I let slip that I'd applied for a second job. I was mostly thinking that she gets upset when I don't include her in things like this, but she asked the right questions... basically, "Why do you need another job?" "What happened to your loan?" "Why can't you get a loan?" I tried to change the subject, but she kept pushing it and she knows I can't lie... so I finally cracked and felt AWFUL because she took the stress on herself.
About a week later, I checked my account balance to see if I could buy some fabric, and I randomly had a TON of money in my checking account. I called my mom immediately and pulled the same maneuver on her. She tried to deflect me, but no dice. There are only two people with my bank account number, and I knew my dad didn't do that. So I thanked her over and over and promised to pay her back. She said, "Don't tell him I told you this, but it was all Dick. I asked Jess if she knew anything about these loans that could help you out, and Dick overheard and asked what was going on. I told him, and he said, 'You've seen me give money to my kids and they don't do anything. That little girl is doing everything she can, and she can't take a second job.'" I don't cry easily, but at this point I lost all control and started crying.... I've never cried out of happiness or being touched before, so this was new and exciting! I don't know what I did to deserve this blessing, and I'm actually still convinced that I don't, but what can I do but accept? I sent them a thank-you card, I'll have to see what else I can do...
2) I'm almost done with school! While I'm very burnt out and Spanish class is killing me with 3-hour class periods 4 days a week, I'm getting there. Soon I'll start applying for real jobs and make some money, either pay rent or move out (maybe Maegan and I can find a place?).
3) I have some amazing family and friends. Buster and Emelie let me live in their basement, and I still can't thank them enough for that... they are absolutely amazing. Haha, so yesterday after work, Buster and I had a serious book discussion about The Road and A Clockwork Orange and wound up driving to Barnes and Noble randomly and buying a few new books... while we were looking at Cormac McCarthy's books, this little kid saw this stool right next to me, went bolting down the aisle, stepped on the stool on his way and leaped off of it. Buster and I started laughing and finally he's like, "he** yes, he did!" Yeah, I was dying. Jess usually includes me in her family stuff, or at least invites me to roast marshmallows and stuff with them... my mom still calls me sometimes and checks up on me.
I also have amazing friends in my cousins/uncle/aunt. They invite me to their house all the time and include me in their family stuff even though I'm not really immediate family... they're so amazing, I don't know what I'd do without them! I also have an amazing friend in Maegan (who comes home this Fall! That should be a number all on its own!), I have Danielle too, who's also an amazing friend... this is gonna be an awesome weekend. I'm gonna play with Nell on Friday, FINALLY!
These amazing people have also given me the confidence to know that I don't deserve to be treated the way the last couple guys I've dated have treated me. I finally have the confidence to know that I don't have to put up with it. I am absolutely not sitting on anyone's back burner. I'm tired of them trying to attach and string to me and just pull me in whenever they feel so inclined... I'm NOT sitting around waiting for anybody. I'm having fun casually hanging out with friends and just being me and feeling like that's absolutely okay. Someday I'll find a guy who's willing to treat me like I matter, but in the meantime, I'm perfectly happy where I am!
4) While I'm still the odd person out in my ward, my bishop tries SO hard to make me feel included. He asked me to sit with one of two mothers (wives of people in the bishopric) to help them with kids during sacrament meeting. The two women have the most well-behaved children in the ward, so I KNOW he asked that for my sake. He noted in my temple interview that I was very much alone (not just at church, but I'm very isolated here), and he also said he saw me sitting alone and didn't like that... I also have a calling teaching Sunbeams, which I like so far for the most part. It isolates me a little more from everybody, but it's hard to make friends with married people anyway, so no biggie!
5) I love the summer! I love the winter too, but I'm so excited about hiking and things it's not even funny! By the way, does anyone have the know-how, equipment and patience to take me/teach me rock climbing? Because I'm DYING to try it out...
6) I've got a huge list of books to read and I'm SO stoked to get started! SHAZAM!
7) No matter what happens at work, with friends, with boys, I have a place to go where I'm welcome and loved, where there are people who think I'm worthwhile.
Even though I get down sometimes about school, work, or dating, I'm pretty fetching happy.... I've got a bajillion reasons to be, so I'm ALL about ignoring the other things!
Oh! I'm still debating about what to get myself for a graduation present, because, trust me, I'll deserve it... here are my ideas so far:
1) One of the new, HUGE video iPods so I can put my movies on it.
2) The new iPhone.
3) A decent bike.
4) Skydiving.
Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Complaints? I suggest you talk to somebody else about the latter. I'm not on the clock, I don't gotta listen to your complaints. ;) Oh, and if you choose skydiving... you better either be willing to go or have someone in mind that'd go with me, 'cause that'd be funner/cheaper with more people!
Personal....
10 years ago
