I Have a Glob of Gluten-Free Funeral Potatoes on My Foot

About 30 minutes ago I decided I wanted a snack. I removed the cold funeral potatoes from the fridge and dipped a piece of French bread in it. Before returning the potatoes to the shelf, I dropped a decent-sized glob on my foot. Rather than clean it up right away, I decided to wait for 30 seconds. I need to shower anyway. That in mind, I walked carefully down the stairs caught a glimpse of the bright, shiny screen of my laptop and decided to check my email quickly.

The only thing I had in my inbox was an email from Clearplay announcing that any reply to their blog would result in being entered to win a free Clearplay with a year's membership. Really, I just want the membership. 8 bucks a month? I could buy a DVD per month instead! Oh, the irony! I replied with my New Years resolution and realized, "you know what? I haven't updated my own blog in ages." So I decided to write up a quick post about how all of my grades were finally posted today.

Normally, that's nothing more than a sigh of relief. This time it's a sigh of disbelief that I didn't do worse than an A- in any class. It is also a shout of joy that I'm now officially DONE. Forever. I can't even comprehend it. I still don't know what to do with myself when I come home from work, but I suppose I'll get used to it and be able to slip into all kinds of awesomeness without guilt or thinking.

Before I'm distracted by something else that will allow this congealed blob of greasy starch to melt into the cracks between my toes, this well-read Bachelor of English is now going to hose off her potato-globbed foot of its sickeningly warm, cheesy essence. I know you think you understand the nastiness of this scenario, but I assure you... YOU DON'T KNOW!

It Tastes Like Goblin Piss

The new job is going very well. I still feel very out of place and strange, but the first couple weeks of any job are the "What have I done?" weeks. I'm easing in, however, and adjusting to the new environment. My day Thursday, for example, consisted of my going in a half hour early, turning on my computer, and converting some software documentation to HTML. I finished that quickly, so I browsed through the documentation that's already been done to make observations about the style. I noticed that images were presented in tables, so I changed all the images in my project. Then I noticed side notes were written differently, so I changed that... etc. Basically I was trying to make it identical in format, and I took notes so I could contribute to a style guide for our company's documentation.

After about 5 hours, my manager checked in for the first time and asked if I needed anything or had any questions. It's so strange not to be constantly watched at work, you know? Anyway, I showed him the operations section of the documentation and pointed out that it looked really ugly. After asking if there was another way he wanted to present the information, he took the controls and I watched. We created a table that would work pretty well, so I spent the remaining hours converting most of the operations to our table. I didn't quite finish.

As I was about a 15 minutes away from packing up and leaving, my coworker came in and started chatting about school. He has the same major as I do, only he's not at all happy with the way English degrees are done in Utah. I agreed with his argument, but added that while the required classes are useless, I have enjoyed them nonetheless, haha. We also talked about movies and stuff too for a while. All in all, I had about a 45-minute conversation with my new coworker. It was so nice! I'm still new and alone, but the environment there is super friendly, and I'm sure the newness feeling won't last too long. I love it. :)

Is It Really Only Tuesday? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

Hooooly freakin' mother of all weird weeks! That's all I'm gonna say.

Why I Plan on Always Having Cash on Hand

Meet England. England is a pig who decided to dress up as a skeleton for Halloween. I found him at Target last week. Any guesses what England is for? Well, I bought this adorable little guy to store my change in hopes that someday (a few years from now), I will be able to afford a trip to England. Now, before you go feeling sorry for England for his becoming obsolete sometime in the future, allow me to explain how this works... yes, it is absolutely true that England will no longer be England once this goal is reached; however, the pig, the adorable personality, will still exist. He will simply bear a new name. Perhaps New Zealand or Mexico. But for now, this is England.

I already have a few dollars' worth of change in him, but I realized as I put the change inside that I don't seem to accumulate it as fast since debit/credit entered my life. There's a simple solution: always carry cash. When I think about it, it's actually a pretty wise move on the whole. Besides filling up England more quickly, using cash as much as I can will benefit me financially too. 1) Carrying large amounts of cash terrifies me, so I probably won't have more than $50 on me at one time. While I'm not a huge spender, having a definite limit right there and countable at the store will absolutely keep me conscious of impulse buys. 2) Getting cash is inconvenient. Unless I want to pay a few extra dollars, I have to go to the bank to get it. The easiest way, I think, is to take out $50 cash every time I deposit a paycheck and that will be my allowance for 2 weeks. Wow, insta-budget!

England... you have just simplified my life as well as brightened my room and heightened my chances of cultural exposure. Thank you.

The Great American Underwear Famine of 2005

This one's for you, Elise! I have some of these old conversations saved up, this is one I had late at night with Dary Fairy... enjoy!

Dary: there must be an underwear demand or something
Dary: haha
Me:The nation's underwear supply is going swiftly down, we're all gonna die of this underwear... ah.... famine.
Dary: underwear famine...
Dary: haha
Me: Well, apparently that's hte problem! Underwear's flying off shelves to make it into peoples' storage room in case of disaster, and when the world's supply runs out, they'll have more!
Dary: "Did you build up your emergency underwear supply? I hear it's gonna be a rough year.."
Me: *suddenly hears STar Wars theme in head, as if the explanation of the underwear famine is going up a starry screen in yellow letters*
Me: we're not sure we'll last through winter!
Dary: i want an emergency storage supply thing! lol
Dary: haha!
Me: We're just gonna have to go without sometimes...
Dary: ew
Dary: lol
Me: No more of that labeled Monday through Friday underwear, these are desperate and terrible times! I feel grieved my children have to live through it...
Me: Or WILL they? *sniffs*
Dary: now you only get two pair, one that says "Monday thru Saturday" and the other is special for Sunday and holidays
Me: HAHA!
Me: This is your dress-up underwear, so don't soil them.
Dary: haha
Dary: the American Underwear Famine of 2005
Me: Dress shirts, ties, slacks, and proper dress underwear are required to enter.
Me: Haha!
Dary: "We have to ship emergency underwear supplies in from Europe and Asia!"
Dary: HAHA!!
Me: No, no, the GREAT American Underwear Famine of 2005.
Dary: "M'am, can I please check to see if you have appropriate underwear to enter this restaurant?"
Dary: that sounded bad... haha
Me: We have just received word from our friends in the Middle East that turbans make good back-up for emergencies.
Me: Oh, good land....
Me: Yeha, that was relaly bad!
Dary: haha
Dary: it ended up sounding worse typed out than it did in my head
Me: Haha! I hate it when that happens!
Me: "Excuse me, this is the PROM! and you are clearly wearing cheapo, white Hanes. It's easily noticed, due to the lack of a proper ruffle..."

And then we started talking about other random things. The end!

Start Wearing Purple!

So... I love living with Buster and Emelie. The language is a bit colorful, but, my crap, it's funny! I'm posting a list of hilarious moments/quotes from the last few months.

Sass Pills
Buster: I took a lot of sass pills today, it's time for someone else to get crap. And you're not going to sleep tonight, you know why? Because I'm going to say "let's have a booger contest!" *sniff sniff sniff* and whoever can get a booger out first wins! And I will get a booger on your face, and that's how you know that you lose. Because you have a booger on your face!

Emelie and I one night while Buster was at work:
Me: I should go to bed... should I read Great Expectations, play Final Fantasy II, or watch Be Kind Rewind first?
Emelie: Let the cats decide!
Me: "Let the Ring-bearer decide!"
Emelie: That's exactly what I was thinking when I said that!
Me: Okay, Gandalf!
Emelie: Gandalf isn't here, Mrs. Torrance.
Me: Buster would be so proud.

A conversation I overheard:
Emelie: For your day off tomorrow, I have one request.
Buster: What's that?
Emelie: Fix the vacuum!
The phone conversation I heard about later:
Buster: So I fixed the vacuum. I used it in our room for two minutes and it started smoking again. I stabbed the front of it with the screwdriver and took it outside. I didn't just beat the s*** out of it, I f***ing MURDERED it!

Nertz 1.0
Buster: Wife, I don't care what planet you're from, that s*** don't fly!

Overheard in the Kitchen
Emelie: I love that little guy! He's retarded though!
Buster: He has brain sammich.

Cooking Dinner Together
Buster: One of you needs to pick the movie.
Me: I can't, I'm stirring these onions.
Buster: Wife?
Emelie: If I were the little red hen that could, I wouldn't be chugging up this hill making bread all by myself!
Me: HUH?
Emelie: It made sense in my head.

Nertz 1.3
Buster: Our language gets a little out of hand when we play...
Me: It's awesome! My favorite curse Buster says is effing shiz-a**... ARSE! DANG it!
Jess: I'm telling Mom!
Buster: I guess you can't do a triple-whammy...

On the Subject of Church
Buster: CHUHCH? I haven't been theh in MUMFS!

As Archie Nibbled Our Toes
Me: Archie bit mey...
Buster: Ouch. Ouch! OUCH, Archie! Ooooooouch! Archieeee!
Me: Ha... Archie bit mey. And that really hurt, Archie, and it's still hurting!

Waltz Back to Me, Oh My Sweet Ann Marie

Monday is the start of my final semester! I'm so excited to be done and start doing something with my life. I do have five goals in mind as relates to the semester though...

1) Be social! I made a ton of friends at SLCC, but I've been different with the U. It's time for me to stop being shy and enjoy what time I have left with these people!

2) Stay on top of homework. That's obviously always a goal, but seriously... even when I'm super busy with projects, I really do waste a lot of time. If I were to concentrate and do my homework with every spare moment, I would actually have a lot of free time left over.

3) Work out and eat right! I tend to neglect my health when school's going and I can't do that. I need to - once I recover from paying tuition - buy some healthy snacks for my backpack and most importantly, NOT indulge when I get home. I need to take an hour or so after getting home from the gym or work to unwind, shower, or whatever, before I think about dinner so I don't eat away the day's stresses.

4) Keep on reading. I got through 4-5 books in my very brief break and I LOVED it. Loved it, loved it, loved it! I need to make time for actual productive leisure instead of the usual internet surfing as a means of procrastination.

5) Apply for one job or send one resume per week. This is self-explanatory... basically I want a real job as soon as possible. I figure as long as I'm even just actively searching throughout the semester, I'll be on track.

Because of goal #1, hopefully I won't be AWOL or anything this semester. Just keep your fingers crossed for now that this won't be a difficult one. :)

Outside There's a Boxcar Waiting

I love being crafty! My schedule has been much more manageable the past couple weeks, so I've been doing a little more of it. I decided to post pictures of a couple things I've done. I realize they're not the best, but I did have a blast experimenting, and I don't think they turned out too bad considering. :)

This is a CD case I made for my cousin's birthday. It took quite a bit of time for how little it is, but it was pretty fun when I wasn't picking out stitches. Basically I picked out a main fabric (the brown sparkly stuff with pink flowers that you can only see on the far right), then chose the other fabrics from scraps Walmart had. I ironed some really thick, double-sided interfacing to the main fabric, then sewed the flaps on. I ironed on the other piece of main fabric to the other side of the interfacing. The border is just some pink bias tape I picked up. Voila! I'm thinking about doing these for Christmas...

Here's the back. You can see the main fabric a little better here... oh, and the elastic that holds it to the visor, durrrr... hehe. :)


Anyone who knows me knows that I love to cook... and experimenting in the kitchen is one of my favorite things to do! Usually I wind up doing desserts, but tonight I happened to be making dinner, and I wanted to get some use out of my spring form pans. So I finally unpacked them, washed them, and used them for the first time in Riverton (and for the first time got some other use out of them besides cheesecake). The idea was to make a Chicago deep-dish pizza:

For the record, I do realize this is entirely too much pizza for three people. One would have been perfect, or even a little much, but the one closest to the camera is made with gluten free crust. That's prolly why it looks all funky. Though I guess the normal one isn't much better, it has a massive tumor (I totally ate it too, and it was delicious. Mmm, tumor...).

Here's the inside. There's the bottom/side layer of crust, that holds in the sausage, peppers, onion, mushrooms, tomatoes and most of the cheese. Then there's a layer of crust on top of that. On top of that crust I put the sauce, a thinner layer of cheese, then pepperoni and olives. Yeah, this is basically a heart attack waiting to happen. Was it worth the 6-mile run? Aaaaaabsolutey! Next time I think I'll experiment a little more - maybe stuff it with mushrooms and spinach and use alfredo sauce somewhere? We shall see!

You Know You Can't Be Certain that You'll Lose until YouTry....GIVE IT A TRY!

Man, life is so awesome! Y'know why? Lotsa reasons, but mostly because I said it was, and I'm the boss! Maybe not of the universe like I aspire to be someday, but of my life, heck yes I'm the boss! Rock the fetch on! Anyway, some specific reasons I love my life:

1) I tried to apply for another federal loan, but I found out I couldn't earn one because Dick makes too much money. For reasons best known to our government, I have to include his information. So I applied for a ton of scholarships and applied for a few jobs with absolutely no luck. One day my mom called and I let slip that I'd applied for a second job. I was mostly thinking that she gets upset when I don't include her in things like this, but she asked the right questions... basically, "Why do you need another job?" "What happened to your loan?" "Why can't you get a loan?" I tried to change the subject, but she kept pushing it and she knows I can't lie... so I finally cracked and felt AWFUL because she took the stress on herself.

About a week later, I checked my account balance to see if I could buy some fabric, and I randomly had a TON of money in my checking account. I called my mom immediately and pulled the same maneuver on her. She tried to deflect me, but no dice. There are only two people with my bank account number, and I knew my dad didn't do that. So I thanked her over and over and promised to pay her back. She said, "Don't tell him I told you this, but it was all Dick. I asked Jess if she knew anything about these loans that could help you out, and Dick overheard and asked what was going on. I told him, and he said, 'You've seen me give money to my kids and they don't do anything. That little girl is doing everything she can, and she can't take a second job.'" I don't cry easily, but at this point I lost all control and started crying.... I've never cried out of happiness or being touched before, so this was new and exciting! I don't know what I did to deserve this blessing, and I'm actually still convinced that I don't, but what can I do but accept? I sent them a thank-you card, I'll have to see what else I can do...

2) I'm almost done with school! While I'm very burnt out and Spanish class is killing me with 3-hour class periods 4 days a week, I'm getting there. Soon I'll start applying for real jobs and make some money, either pay rent or move out (maybe Maegan and I can find a place?).

3) I have some amazing family and friends. Buster and Emelie let me live in their basement, and I still can't thank them enough for that... they are absolutely amazing. Haha, so yesterday after work, Buster and I had a serious book discussion about The Road and A Clockwork Orange and wound up driving to Barnes and Noble randomly and buying a few new books... while we were looking at Cormac McCarthy's books, this little kid saw this stool right next to me, went bolting down the aisle, stepped on the stool on his way and leaped off of it. Buster and I started laughing and finally he's like, "he** yes, he did!" Yeah, I was dying. Jess usually includes me in her family stuff, or at least invites me to roast marshmallows and stuff with them... my mom still calls me sometimes and checks up on me.

I also have amazing friends in my cousins/uncle/aunt. They invite me to their house all the time and include me in their family stuff even though I'm not really immediate family... they're so amazing, I don't know what I'd do without them! I also have an amazing friend in Maegan (who comes home this Fall! That should be a number all on its own!), I have Danielle too, who's also an amazing friend... this is gonna be an awesome weekend. I'm gonna play with Nell on Friday, FINALLY!

These amazing people have also given me the confidence to know that I don't deserve to be treated the way the last couple guys I've dated have treated me. I finally have the confidence to know that I don't have to put up with it. I am absolutely not sitting on anyone's back burner. I'm tired of them trying to attach and string to me and just pull me in whenever they feel so inclined... I'm NOT sitting around waiting for anybody. I'm having fun casually hanging out with friends and just being me and feeling like that's absolutely okay. Someday I'll find a guy who's willing to treat me like I matter, but in the meantime, I'm perfectly happy where I am!

4) While I'm still the odd person out in my ward, my bishop tries SO hard to make me feel included. He asked me to sit with one of two mothers (wives of people in the bishopric) to help them with kids during sacrament meeting. The two women have the most well-behaved children in the ward, so I KNOW he asked that for my sake. He noted in my temple interview that I was very much alone (not just at church, but I'm very isolated here), and he also said he saw me sitting alone and didn't like that... I also have a calling teaching Sunbeams, which I like so far for the most part. It isolates me a little more from everybody, but it's hard to make friends with married people anyway, so no biggie!

5) I love the summer! I love the winter too, but I'm so excited about hiking and things it's not even funny! By the way, does anyone have the know-how, equipment and patience to take me/teach me rock climbing? Because I'm DYING to try it out...

6) I've got a huge list of books to read and I'm SO stoked to get started! SHAZAM!

7) No matter what happens at work, with friends, with boys, I have a place to go where I'm welcome and loved, where there are people who think I'm worthwhile.

Even though I get down sometimes about school, work, or dating, I'm pretty fetching happy.... I've got a bajillion reasons to be, so I'm ALL about ignoring the other things!

Oh! I'm still debating about what to get myself for a graduation present, because, trust me, I'll deserve it... here are my ideas so far:
1) One of the new, HUGE video iPods so I can put my movies on it.
2) The new iPhone.
3) A decent bike.
4) Skydiving.

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Complaints? I suggest you talk to somebody else about the latter. I'm not on the clock, I don't gotta listen to your complaints. ;) Oh, and if you choose skydiving... you better either be willing to go or have someone in mind that'd go with me, 'cause that'd be funner/cheaper with more people!