Start Wearing Purple!

So... I love living with Buster and Emelie. The language is a bit colorful, but, my crap, it's funny! I'm posting a list of hilarious moments/quotes from the last few months.

Sass Pills
Buster: I took a lot of sass pills today, it's time for someone else to get crap. And you're not going to sleep tonight, you know why? Because I'm going to say "let's have a booger contest!" *sniff sniff sniff* and whoever can get a booger out first wins! And I will get a booger on your face, and that's how you know that you lose. Because you have a booger on your face!

Emelie and I one night while Buster was at work:
Me: I should go to bed... should I read Great Expectations, play Final Fantasy II, or watch Be Kind Rewind first?
Emelie: Let the cats decide!
Me: "Let the Ring-bearer decide!"
Emelie: That's exactly what I was thinking when I said that!
Me: Okay, Gandalf!
Emelie: Gandalf isn't here, Mrs. Torrance.
Me: Buster would be so proud.

A conversation I overheard:
Emelie: For your day off tomorrow, I have one request.
Buster: What's that?
Emelie: Fix the vacuum!
The phone conversation I heard about later:
Buster: So I fixed the vacuum. I used it in our room for two minutes and it started smoking again. I stabbed the front of it with the screwdriver and took it outside. I didn't just beat the s*** out of it, I f***ing MURDERED it!

Nertz 1.0
Buster: Wife, I don't care what planet you're from, that s*** don't fly!

Overheard in the Kitchen
Emelie: I love that little guy! He's retarded though!
Buster: He has brain sammich.

Cooking Dinner Together
Buster: One of you needs to pick the movie.
Me: I can't, I'm stirring these onions.
Buster: Wife?
Emelie: If I were the little red hen that could, I wouldn't be chugging up this hill making bread all by myself!
Me: HUH?
Emelie: It made sense in my head.

Nertz 1.3
Buster: Our language gets a little out of hand when we play...
Me: It's awesome! My favorite curse Buster says is effing shiz-a**... ARSE! DANG it!
Jess: I'm telling Mom!
Buster: I guess you can't do a triple-whammy...

On the Subject of Church
Buster: CHUHCH? I haven't been theh in MUMFS!

As Archie Nibbled Our Toes
Me: Archie bit mey...
Buster: Ouch. Ouch! OUCH, Archie! Ooooooouch! Archieeee!
Me: Ha... Archie bit mey. And that really hurt, Archie, and it's still hurting!